Saturday, December 20, 2008

Taking a shit in public by micAh!

Shitting in public is something that all of us have done at one point I'm our lives. Some don't think twice about it when it comes time to do their dooty (lame joke). Others such as myself despise doing it. Public bathrooms are often biohazard wastelands and are very intrussive. I don't know about you but I like to be cozy at home when I drop the deuce. I bring my phone in there along with preferred reading material because it passes time and informs me at the same time. Lately I've reverted to just playing a new album on my iPhone while I'm on the toilet. But sometimes the stink coming from my ass prevents me from doing that because to listen to some tunes requires me to turn off the fan. By turning off the fan I am encasing myself in a small room of stank. Now I don't know about you but there are many times where I'm overpowered by my own shits!

Back to the subject at hand...

When I'm stuck in public and it's absolutely necessary for me to take the browns to the super bowl I follow the same routine:
  • Grab a paper towel as soon as I enter the bathroom to use as a barrier between my hand and the nastiness that I'll be forced to touch I.e. Door handles, knobs, etc...
  • I layer the fuck out of the toilet seat with toilet paper! I refuse to have any part of my bare ashy ass touching a public toilet seat!
  • After I finish pinching a loaf off I stand as far as possible from the toilet and use my foot to flush the toilet. This minimizes any particles or spray that may occur during flushing and this again prevents me from having to touch the toilet seat.
Here is how I layer the seat with toilet paper.
It's an art...

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