Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Breast, How I love thee....

I love titties, sweater puppies, titty balls, hand warmers, etc... point blank period! Maybe it was because I was breast fed as an infant or maybe it's I just really love titties. Yes I love them, "BIG ONES SMALLS ONES SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD..."

But just because breasteses are dear to me doesn't mean that I love ALL OF THEM. Because I have seen some titties in my life that made me shudder in disgust... I remember I was dating this Puerto Rican chica she had hair on her nipples. This wasn't fine peach fuzz hair, no this was pube-tastic like hair ON HER NIPS! The way I found out about these fantastic strands of protein has caused me great emotional distress and counseling.

*story time*

Things were getting hot and heavy between us so i'm trying to give her "the best that I got" by working that foreplay game proper. I started kissin' on the neck working my way ever so closely those Love Pillows. Finally reaching my destination I start working the areolas on my way to the motherland the NIPPLES and I was halted dead in my tracks. What cause this abrupt pause in my game plan? ME PULLING A FUCKING HAIR OUTTA MY MOUTH AND LOOKIN' AT HER LIKE "WTF?!" Her response? "Oh I forgot to shave that off..." *dead*

moving along

Here's my list of things I dislike about certain butterbags:
  • big ass areolas
  • veiny ass titties that look like mapquest directions
  • inverted nipples
  • orangutan titties
  • hairy nips
  • stretch marks on titties, makin' them look like tiger tits

These monstracities right here have at least 4 things off that list!


Vannah Banana said...

u r a mess lol

Mr. Jolla said...

If I were trying to lose weight without going on a real diet, I would thank you for making me vomit at the sight of Rosie O'Donnel's breasts...unfortunately I'm not trying to lose weight.

Hard Work said...

Inverted nipples are not attractive at all... everytime I see one (or two, i guess) a little piece of me dies inside... good post though...

micAh! said...

*dead* @ "a little piece of me dies inside..."

sachie said...

u need help! LMAO!!

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